I Am Wolf

I Am Wolf

I know a lot of you, those few who read that blog, do not know what that means. Today, I will attempt to tell you and in all likelihood, you will probably start that I'm one crazy bitch, but I'm not. Maybe.

'I Am Wolf' refers to my spirit guide, the arctic wolf who has never thought to tell me his name, who I just call 'Wolf.' A wolf he is, so that is what he is to be called. Wolf. Spirit of the wind and the wild north. Snarling in the darkness and baring his teeth at human kind.

As far as he has let me know, Wolf was killed in his mortality by a human, gunned down by aircraft in one of the most sickening displays of senseless brutality known to this world. I was Wolf's pack, part of his family and when I died in that life, he followed me into this one as a spirit. That is what I believe and in a way, this relationship is embodied in the stories of my characters Northwind and Westwind - Westwind, the once great goddess who has forgotten everything and Northwind, her mate who must deal with this and eternally protect her.

I would go into how I came to know about Wolf, but suffice to say, he has just always been there. Not too long ago in my dreams he began to protect me and I have on occasion even seen him in dreams. Then he started to 'come into me' in these dreams when we were being chased. If I was cornered, he would leap into me and I would become a white wolf of the snow like him to bare our teeth at my enemy, be it the visiting spirit of a cougar or a zombie horde living in the basement of the dream version of my old house. I have always been terrified of basements. They are bad places.

There is a book called Animal Speak by Ted Andrews which talks about animal spirit guides. It is through this book, that I learned that transformation is not a myth, but is real. You can change the shape of your conciousness. It is possible. Through Wolf, I learned to reshape my perceptions and form them into the shape of Canis lupus, literally becoming the wolf, though only in mind. The strangest thing about all this is how I have noticed and felt people treat me at times like an animal, a dog if not the wolf. My uncle dog's Powder snarled at me and for no reason, for we had only just met. There have been times when I have crouched beside somebody and they have treated me just like one would a loyal dog. This is all subconcious. I do not believe that anyone can really see my perception change, but I would like to hope that somebody, at least the other animals can see me. When I look in the mirror and my perceptions have changed, I see a stranger looking back at me. I'm not the human I see. I'm just Rosy, the wolf-who-is-a-human. I wonder if sometimes I think like a dog too.

It is my belief that animals are sentient, that they are just as smart as humans, but that they just think and communicate in an entirely different way. There has been proof and inklings that animals are far smarter than most humans have ever expected. A border collie in Europe can distinguish objects better than most young children can and dolphins have been proved their intelligence time and time again. Wolves, my four-legged brethren of the wind, mourn their dead and even debrief themselves before a mission, the alpha female telling the pack what they are to be hunting with antlers and bones. Omegas keep the pack at peace.

Who are WE to say that animals have no souls and that they are stupid? I believe that humans are the ones who are stupid and that we have lost our way in the dark. We are in a black forest, with only a lantern, but we cannot see the world around us. We pretend that we are not part of the world and we constantly try to control it but this is stupid. The world cannot be controlled. We are ridiculous to think that we can control anything!

To get something out; I don't believe in God. There is no way, in my mind, that any one person could give his all to look into the lives of every single being. I believe in spirits and that the world has a spirit. This spirit is what I would say is god. As the Native Americans say, everything has a spirit. The sun, the stars and every single thing on this world.

I don't expect anyone to believe what I believe. They can if they want to, but I don't care whether or not they do. This is what I believe. I respect that other people believe other things. That's cool.