A Month Ago...

...my cat Sunny died. It's still not the same and it will never be. There's no cat like him in the world, as beautiful or as loving.

I may have a new cat now. I think his name is Houdini, but I'm not sure. I was joking that I could call him 'Jawa' yesterday and then I said 'Houdini' because that's what it sounds like the silly things are saying and he responded. It came right out of the blue, so I think that might be his name, though I'm not sure what I think of owning a cat named after an escape artist, though it would be pretty cool to have two cats named after famous people. The little brat is still half feral. I've managed to gain a lot of his trust, but so far he's more interested in attacking my butt and feet when I'm sitting than in being snuggled, but he's still half wild, so maybe there's hope.

Other name ideas include:
-Tahini (a type of nut butter sort of)
-Monkey (monkeys can be unpredictable and evil though, so not so sure I like this)

I kind of like Houdini best and it's the easiest on the tongue so far.

I wrote three good chapters of Emperor's Blood yesterday. THREE. I attribute it to Sunny. I do think and hope he's watching over me. I had a dream about him about a week after he died where I turned and he came running up to me, head up, tail up, looking me in the eye... so maybe he is okay, but it still hurts and I really, really want to go home. I don't want to be here in Vancouver anymore. (Which sucks, because I just got a nice new apartment, but too bad! It would only be perfect if it was situated about 600 kilometres EAST of here in the Okanagan!)

I just worry about my cats, but I want to go. Instinct is pulling me back - I want to restart my life in a new direction. I want to get a job and save up to go to NOLS and I want to get my driver's license. I want to be close enough to my parents that I can go hiking with them and close enough so that they can nag me, because I know I need retraining in a few things. I want to be close enough that they can help me if they feel they need to and so that I can help them and me and my mom could share our DVDs and our games. I want to be back in the land where Sunny, lived, loved, grew old... and where he died.

I feel like an Imperial who has lost one of his sketzine. Part of my soul is gone.

One hour now, until the moment my baby died a month ago...