When Hunter Met Missy (EB Cut Scene)

Due to some plot changes, this hilarious scene was cut from the manuscript... enjoy! Unedited.

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There was a knife, a big, flipping huge knife with engraving on it in Keel’s hand and for some reason he had pulled Hunter’s sleeve up. Hunter stared at the knife, than at Keel’s naked arm, then at his and several things clicked together. Firstly, he decided, Keel had just gone spontaneously psychotic again and probably wanted to kill him. Secondly, Keel looked nervous for some reason, which could not be good, because bad things like crazy Dart Feather drakoon appeared usually when Keel was nervous. Third, Hunter thought now might be the time if there ever was one to take his life into his own hands and run like hell.

“Er yeeeah Keel. Whatever.” said Hunter, hearing the drakoon talking nervously to himself like it was scared of the knife it was holding. The knife was almost long enough to be a short sword, Hunter thought. Anything that big was clearly meant for stabbing things. Hunter did not want to find out why their arms were bare. Keel reached for his hand and Hunter hardly thought; before Keel could get him with the knife he threw the second greatest punch of his life, hitting Keel’s arm holding the knife to send it flying. Hunter did not wait to see where it went, sprinting off with no idea what he was going to do besides his will to live.

“BYE MYSTAYA!” yelled Hunter, bounding through the streambed as fast as his legs could carry him. Behind him Keel started digging desperately around in the water for the knife, apparently thinking that it was more important than keeping Hunter from his grand escape. Hunter sloshed up onto the bank, then headed for the undergrowth, trying to get a solid wall of it between him and the stream before Keel started chasing him. Somehow it worked. He did not hear Keel behind him, even though he was pretty sure Keel could hear him, crashing through the bush like he was with no regard for any of the branches slapping into his face.

Hunter! Come back! cried Mystaya, whinnying somewhere on the other side of the stream. Hunter didn’t answer, leaping over some logs. The trees opened up and he sprinted, twigs that had gotten stuck in his hair flying out. He looked back, but all he could see was forest and he felt a little hopeful, maybe he had made his point clear, maybe Keel had changed his mind -

“YEEAGH!” The embankment appeared out of nowhere, Hunter hardly having time to throw out his arms before he was falling down the hill. A root caught his foot sending him head over heels into a bunch of the thorny broad leafed plants that he had seen in the old growth forest of Sloveniska’s lower elevation regions, tiny prickles immediately hooking into his clothes and skin. Sitting up and groaning he looked up the embankment desperately to see if Keel was there, but he wasn’t. Grabbing a nearby root he hauled himself up, staggering for a moment, then he started running again, down the ravine he had fallen into, eventually dragging himself up the opposite side of it to avoid the nasty thorn leaf plants.

“I’ll find some place with no drakoon and maybe I’ll find a nice little horse or cat or something that doesn’t like drakoon to be my buddy. We’ll live happily ever after and invent a pesticide that only kills those stupid thorn plants because those things are evil.” muttered Hunter, still painfully picking leaves off of himself as he trotted through the brush. “Oh yes. It will be grand.”

Nearby there was a mewing sound and he jumped. “Marl? Marl is that you? Listen bo, I’m not going back, not if Keel’s going to wave nasty looking knives around like that in my face. I have no idea what his problem is, but I’ve decided; I don’t want to die. I want to live damn it. Is that too much to ask?”

The mewing quieted for a moment, then it started again. It did not sound like Marl. Marl had a big cat’s meow. Hunter slowed down and moved in the direction of the mew. “Hey, you’re not Marl are you? Who are you kitty? Are you a kitty?”

“Meow.” said the invisible cat pitifully. Something rustled; the cat. It sounded like a kitten.

“It’s okay kitty. I’m not like those turd-bags back there. I don’t wave knives around or nothing. I’m a human. My name is Hunter.” said Hunter, glimpsing some white fur in the underbrush and a pair of wild blue feline eyes. “Are you alright there kitty?”

A whiskery little white face with huge kitten ears poked out from under a fern, staring at him and he chirruped, trying to lure it closer so he could pet it. “Hey, you’re a pretty kitty aren’t you? Gorgeous eyes!”

“Mew?” asked the kitten. It looked about four months old and pure white. It squeezed out from under its fern and flipped its fluffy tail up in the air.

“Aww, you’re so cute.” fawned Hunter.

“Mew.” said the kitten, almost as if it agreed with him. It bandied over to him and rubbed its face against his outstretched hand, then jumped onto his legs to nudge against his chin. Flustered, Hunter scratched its ears, unable to think of any cat he had ever seen that was more adorable than this one.

“Aw you’re so friendly!” gushed Hunter as the kitten flopped down on his lap, kneading his leg and starting to purr loudly. It looked up at him adoringly, blinking slowly and seeming to grin with its whiskers. “Pretty and friendly! Aww!”

Hunter hugged the kitten, picking it up in his arms and it didn’t resist or struggle. “You want to come with me kitten? Well you can if you want! I don’t mind, but I have to run right now, that okay?”

“Mew.” said the kitten. Hunter objectively decided that that might mean yes and started moving again, lugging the young, still purring little creature under his arm. Hunter kept petting it as he hiked, moving as swiftly as he could and trying to conserve energy. It seemed kind of peculiar that he had not heard Keel behind him yet, but maybe him running off had been what the drakoon had wanted, or maybe he had just wanted to get rid of him. Hunter was a little choked that Mystaya hadn’t followed him; he had thought they were buddies, but of course Keel probably came first in her books.

“Ah well, probably another horse out there somewhere in the world we can be buddies with, eh little miss?” said Hunter to the kitten, who just seemed like a girl to him. He sincerely hoped it was. A pure white boy cat just seemed a bit weird to him. The kitten continued to purr as he hiked, careful to pick up his feet and be stealthy about leaving tracks, thinking carefully about each step that he took. Time passed and still there was no sign of Keel, making Hunter almost feel a bit dejected. Hadn’t they been friends at least a little at all after all that being chased and stuff? In his arms the kitten stopped purring, staring at something in the bush with her ears up. Hunter stopped and looked too, then froze.

A shaggy, black and white bicoloured, predatory looking animal was stalking towards him.

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Little does Hunter know that he has met the world's most prissy cat. And that she is his. (Or, more properly, he is now her eternal slave. Luckily, Missy is useful.)

In the canonical version, their meeting is a little less funny, but still pretty amusing regardless.